the world we create

I was visiting one of my friend's blogs the other day and marveled at how different it was from my own. It is obvious we are at entirely different stages in our life; she has three young children in the process of experiencing everything for the first time, while Marissa, my one and only, has long since flown the coop as she moves to establish her own life.

What struck me about my friend's images, photos of a wide variety of activities and places, is the range of experiences she is offering to her children. In a sense, the lives our children lead as they grow and develop under our wing, are formed to a large extent by the world we create for them. We expose them to as much or as little as we deem worthy (or at least TRY) to provide a vision of their world as a relatively safe, but challenging place where the wonders and possibilities are limited only by their curiosity and imagination. Hopefully they mature with their own vision of the world (that incorporates a little of the optimism and promise you had striven so hard to imbue). And also you hope they do not become too disillusioned or discouraged by what they witness as they strike out on their own.

I know Marissa was exposed to things at a young age we did not want her to witness; a crazy lady shouting profanities as she stepped into our subway car on a visit to NYC, a barely dressed and in-your-face gay guy on his way to the Gay Pride Parade on a crowded BART car (with his "junk" firmly planted in front of my daughter's face while his partner looked apologetically at my wife and Marissa) in San Francisco. (I'm all for the spirit of the Gay Pride Parade mind you, but please, could you be a little more "tasteful" in your pride?) I'm sure I can remember worse things if I delve into the recesses of my mind some more, but these are memories that conjure up the look of fear and confusion that clouded her otherwise happy countenance in a way that summoned my protective instincts. I know she's none the worse for wear from these encounters and she has not suffered permanent psychological damage by any of this. In fact, I suspect it prepared her for her two-year stint in NYC to the extent that she was not surprised by anything she saw there, nor unduly intimidated or frightened by it. I had just hoped to shield her from such things until she grew a little older. I suppose this was totally unrealistic in this age of communication where everything is in front of us (like that gay guy on BART). If it's not on TV, well there's radio, the movies, the web, you name it. (And after all, you do have to venture forth into the world every so often to show them what's out there.) You can only create the world in the image you want for so long.

Perhaps the important lesson here is to focus on teaching your children the WAY they should process the encounters they have with the unknown and unfamiliar; provide them with a sense of structure and confidence within themselves that allows them to know they can handle whatever comes their way. Let them know they are responsible for the world they create.