the day I stopped crying

I remember as a child how I used to cry whenever I hurt myself. I know this is a typical response to pain at a young age, but I also remember (oh, so many years ago) the day I stopped crying. I was playing in my cousin’s backyard and I was running towards the front of the house when I tripped on something. I went down very hard and very fast, skinning my hands and knees on the grass. It hurt as much as anything I had experienced at that point in my childhood (as far as my memory allows), but at that moment something clicked inside. I thought, “Yes, this hurts a lot, but I don’t have to cry about it. In fact, what does crying have to do with pain?” (Well, physical pain at least. I still cry sometimes when subjected to emotional or psychological pain, but if confronted, I will deny ever writing this. Also, show me a sad movie and I will practically weep. Again, I will exercise plausible deniability regarding this).

This disassociation of pain and crying has been just one of the many revelations I have encountered along the meandering path that is my life, but it was a startling one for me. Why had I wasted all of that time and effort crying when I could have just been nursing the pain with rocking motions and repeated "ouches?" Really. It was like that for me. Why does anybody waste the energy crying over pain (again, I reiterate, "physical" pain)? I haven't cried since that time; not when I inadvertently jumped through a sliding glass door on the night of high school graduation, not when I broke my wrist, not when I got the wind knocked out of me in Kung-Fu class. Crying is displaced energy and the act takes focus away from the matter at hand. If you are injured in any way, focus on the most efficient way of getting relief or aid as quickly as possible. Don't be wasting valuable time crying.

Now if only I can incorporate that disassociation with those other kinds of pain . . .