new year's resolutions

Along the way somewhere I've lost my sunny disposition. No, much worse than that, I've lost my joie de vivre. I think I had a vague sense of this when I posted my blog about being happy like Hugh Jackman (see May 2009). I've become a grumpy old man, reluctant to venture forth at night, disgruntled by the news of the day, disdainful of narcissistic, self-absorbed members of the younger generation(s). I am annoyed and dismayed that the synapses in my brain no longer fire with the same speed and regularity they once enjoyed. They now react like clogged, misfiring spark plugs. I have difficulty summoning up facts and information I WANT to remember, let alone the ones I used to draw upon on only an occasional basis. I wonder sometimes if some of the neural connections even exist at all anymore.

I am irritated by the technology I once embraced, surrendering to only a vague understanding of how things now work. The built-in GPS in my car has become a taunting reminder of how technology has become my tormentor rather than my friend. And where is the flawless service, respect and accord I've earned from my many years of tenure on this earth? My bed, the one place I was always assured of blissful peace has become a battleground for my insomnia and exhaustion, interrupted by the pleading tugs of my bladder and various aches and pains to leave this once hallowed place and quickly, please! When I look in the mirror, an old man stares back, and not just an old man, but a fat one!

Thus is my present state as I rush headlong into 2010. I am reminded of a line in the latest movie "Up in the Air" where a young, ambitious college graduate explains to a world-weary George Clooney and his girlfriend that she should have a Jeep Cherokee by now. She wonders what their goals and time lines are at this stage in their life, to which they reply, "We don't set any objectives at this point in life, it tends to be counter-productive." Although it may be counter-productive to declare New Year's resolutions, I nonetheless have them and declare them here. Resolutions? To kill the grumpy old man! I hope to replace him with a more youthful soul and fitter body.

This year, I plan to CHOOSE to be happier, to lose weight and get healthier. I plan on expanding my "Chi" outward and invoking and expressing more passion in all that I do. I plan to focus on the celebration and revelry of the small precious moments and triumphs and move on from any of the pitfalls more quickly. I plan on NOT insulating myself from any potential pain or disappointment to the exclusion of trying new things or venturing into endeavors I once feared would fail. I plan on embracing the possibility of hurt and disappointment in the renewed hope that the opposite payoff might result. And after all, what are hurt and disappointment but an affirmation of a life fully lived? I plan to dance to the music that moves me, sing along in soulful harmony, practice the Kung-Fu moves I learned in my community ed class (all in the privacy of my own home, of course) and laugh slightly louder and in a more heartfelt way than I did in 2009. I plan to engage all that I encounter with humor and kindness and respect, regardless of how I'm treated. And I WILL be more appreciative of the many blessings life has afforded me.

Happy New Year.